Early spring, or not

Punxsutawney Phil, the world’s most famous Marmota monax, has just predicted an early spring for this year:

But the Guardian’s empirical analyis reveals that, shockingly, groundhogs “do not have a good track record for accurate weather prediction”. (Why is it so often Englishmen who make it their job to battle the irrational beliefs of Americans?)

Decline of a Nation: Opt In

“Broadband firms urged to block sex websites to protect children – Government wants internet providers to put access to pornography on ‘opt-in’ basis.”

Last time I checked, access to pornography was already very much on an “opt-in” basis. I mean – sadly -, it’s not like you just switch on the computer and delicious depictions of consensual sex flash up all over your screen. If that happens to you, dear British conservatives: You probably have a virus and should reformat your harddrive instead of forcing censorship on the rest of the world.

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Fry and Laurie, reunited

Convertitis

Tony Blair’s sister-in-law converts to islam. Well, OK, why not. It’s certainly not worse than remaining catholic or becoming a Gaudiya Vaishnavist (although they do make delicious butter balls). But wait. Considering Mrs. Booth is an Englishwoman from Islington, there’s something in that article that really shocks me:

“Booth has stopped drinking alcohol and says she has not wanted to drink since converting.”

God help her!

Decline of a Nation: Cold Comfort

England! What have you come to – your leader is supposed to rape and pillage the globe, including their own little island, and be thanked for it with colourful parades, and young men guarding their house, wearing skirts with nothing underneath and funny bear hats on their heads, and children singing that they, their victorious leader, should be saved and their enemies scattered etc pp. That’s how it works!

Instead, the Queen has to defend herself against a vicious attack of the press because she tried to use a state poverty fund to heat Buckingham Palace. What’s the woman supposed to do? OK – she could cuddle up in her coronation gown,

“A six yard train in best quality handmade purple silk velvet, trimmed with best quality Canadian ermine 5″ on top and underside and fully lined with pure silk English Satin, complete with ermine cape and all being tailed ermine in the traditional manner, and including embroidery by the Royal School of Needlework.” (Eve & Ravenscroft)

…but that won’t really help because the English still haven’t discovered window insulation and London winters can be draughty.

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Hosen runter

Guardian-Überschrift

Warum, liebe Leser, musste ich bei dieser Schlagzeile eigentlich sofort an BoJo denken? Fehlalarm, es war lediglich der Bürgermeister von Leicester:

“As he stood up in front of a room full of schoolchildren to thank the organisers of an educational summer show, Colin Hall felt an unfamiliar draft as his trousers came loose and slipped down around his ankles. Hall, 46, suffered the embarrassing mishap on a visit to Southfields library in Leicester yesterday morning.(…) Witnesses who saw the incident at the event attended by pupils and teachers from three schools described it as “hilarious”.” (guardian.co.uk)

Aber wir sinds ja mittlerweile von den Engländern gewohnt, dass sie hin und wieder ganz unabsichtlich die sprichwörtlichen Hosen runterlassen

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A couple of things America got right.

In den “Staaten”(*) muss sich Cohu, bzw. ihr designierter Chauffeur, ein Auto zulegen. Gar nicht so einfach, wenn man noch nie eines hatte. Gottseidank wird uns die Entscheidung erleichtert durch diese Werbung, die passenderweise vor dem USA-England-Spiel gesendet wurde:

Ein Dodge Challenger muss es sein! Schließlich sollen die ganzen Pelikane und Delphine nicht umsonst gestorben sein. (OK, vermutlich wird es eher sowas, aber man wird ja noch träumen dürfen….)

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Decline of a Nation: Thatcher’s bitter legacy

Das ist doch total kaputt!

Das Schlagwort der “broken society” ist in Großbritannien sehr beliebt. Darunter kann man eigentlich alles zusammenfassen, was schief läuft: binge drinking, knife crime, muffin tops. Fraglich nur, wer eigentlich schuld ist an der kaputten Gesellschaft: Laut Herrn Cameron ist es natürlich Labour (ein Kapitel des konservativen Parteiprogramms heißt passenderweise “Mending Our Broken Society”, pdf). Für die Gegenseite dagegen ist klar: Broken Britain is Thatcher’s bitter legacy.

Bei der Recherche zu dieser Frage ist Cohu auf wahrhaft Schockierendes gestoßen – Thatcher hat Dinge verbrochen, mit denen verglichen ihre Zerstörung der Britischen Gesellschaft noch ziemlich harmlos wirkt. Sie ist nämlich für eine Sache verantwortlich, die auch durch die damaligen historischen Umstände kaum zu rechtfertigen, abstoßend und moralisch verkommen ist: Softeis!

“One important development in the 20th century was the introduction of soft ice cream. A chemical research team in Britain (of which a young Margaret Thatcher was a member) discovered a method of doubling the amount of air in ice cream, which allowed manufacturers to use less of the actual ingredients, thereby reducing costs. It made possible the soft ice cream machine in which a cone is filled beneath a spigot on order.” (Wikipedia: Ice Cream)

Das kann man ja wohl kaum als Jugendsünde abtun, das fällt schon in die Kategorie Charakterfehler…

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Keep Calm and Carry On

“Good evening ladies and gentlemen. This is your captain speaking. We have a small problem. All four engines have stopped. We are all doing our damnedest to get them going again. I trust you are not in too much distress.”

via BBC News – When volcanic ash stopped a Jumbo at 37,000ft.

So hat man das 1982 gemacht. Und heute? Ein kleines Aschewölkchen legt ganz England lahm…

Kosmische Gerechtigkeit

Was habt ihr denn? Ihr wolltet doch so dringend Asche von den Isländern!

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